You've "let yourself go"... Now what?

It’s the holiday season, you’re indulging heavily (OK maybe even gluttonously) in delicious food and drinks, and loving every second of it (well, in the moment at least). And you should be! I know I do!

 Nothing brings me more joy than devouring a delicious home cooked meal with my friends and family.. Thanksgiving, for example, was a shit show! We cooked a massive feast and helped ourselves to thirds, fourths, FIFTHS!

Our delicious spread of yum yums

I eventually had to unbutton my pants, and wait 30ish minutes in between rounds- yes, rounds.. And let me just say we weren’t spooning mouthfuls of kale and quinoa; we were eating heaping mounds of baked mac and 4 cheeses, cheesy corn casserole, cranberry and walnut stuffing, Turkish fried cheese sticks, (it was an epic, ethnic “Friends”giving), beef and cheese empanadas, fried chicken cutlets (I know, I know… we didn’t do turkey), biscuits (yes the nasty ones loaded with hydrogenated oil but how delectable they taste), mashed potatoes.. I could go on and on.

Let me tell you... One year ago, after all of that, I would have felt like complete shit! Yes, I did feel entirely paralyzed, physically, from eating myself into a food coma, but that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about the mental and emotional “feeling like shit.” Something along these lines..

“Ugh, I ate so much… I feel like shit... I’m disgusting... I have no self-control, no will-power...” “What’s wrong with me… I wasn’t even hungry... I’m so fat…”

“Why couldn’t I have just eaten the salad… I really didn’t need five servings... I’m not even going to want to work out tomorrow... My diet’s ruined now... I really let myself go.”

Mushy little Chunk Boy <3

And this incessant negative internal dialogue would have continued for hours, and even days, as is the snowball effect when beating yourself up. You feel like shit, so you tell yourself you’re shit (in better choice of words, of course), then do more things that make you feel more like shit (because you’re already on a downward spiral; why stop now), furthering that incessant dialogue which happens to confirm the false belief about yourself that you’re shit! 

It can leave you feeling pretty low...

Thankfully, however, I broke free from that self-sabotage. It took me a looooonnnnggg time to realize how incredibly toxic those negative thoughts were, and eventually I grew to understand how imperative it was to adapt a shift in perspective- one towards self-love.

We owe it to ourselves to be indulging in the simple pleasures of life! And yes that includes spending time eating and drinking what we thoroughly enjoy with friends and family, whether gluttonously or not.

Now, pay attention here...

You didn't “let yourself go.” You are a normal human being, attracted to enjoying delicious food with family and friends, and we eat to enjoy ourselves. Food tastes good, smells good, looks good, and we feel good eating with the people we love. OK, so we over do it sometimes to the point of feeling SO STUFFED that we can’t even move… Just forgive yourself, and let it go.

Food isn’t meant to be viewed through the lens of such restriction and stringency. It’s OK to indulge! Enjoy what you love to enjoy! I like to see it as a personal research experiment and opportunity to learn. When I feel shitty after eating certain foods or over-indulging, I take note of how I feel physically and mentally, clearly distinguishing the difference between physical discomfort (the real stuff) and emotional/mental discomfort (the stuff we tell ourselves that 99% of the time isn't true). This simple tool of awareness, shifting from guilt to forgiveness will catapult you into extraordinary self-healing, self-acceptance, and self-love. (yes, that “self-love” thing again.)

We need to stop beating ourselves up and spending so much time in our own heads worrying and regretting every time we've eaten something “bad” or “fattening,” and feeling shame, guilt, and regret. As you now know, these negative thoughts are doing more harm and having more of a toxic effect on your body than the actual food you are putting into your mouth! And it’s paralyzing!

Your thoughts determine your actions, and your actions become your thoughts. It can be a vicious cycle. And we can so quickly forget how to simply let go- of all the restrictions we put on ourself and all of our limiting beliefs- and be present in the moment to enjoy the sweet pleasures of life- and of delicious food!

“OK Steph,” you’re saying, “But still I don’t like that feeling of not having control over what I’m putting into my mouth. And feeling like shit after.”

I hear you! Here’s the good news- the body has an incredible and tremendous ability to heal itself  (aka feel better emotionally and physically) given the right tools and half the chance. Self-love, as mentioned before, is the number one tool! And a huge part of self-love is replacing those negative, sabotaging thoughts in our heads with positive, loving, uplifting thoughts. But, we need the patience to see through to this process. Patience to forgive yourself, to accept your imperfections, to be easy and gentle with yourself, to let go and just let things be- instead of what it “should” or “shouldn't” be, or what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do.

So, how do we shift into this place of self-love, self-acceptance, and patience with ourselves?

Awareness is the most important tool to guide you toward being at peace with yourself, your body, your thoughts, and your emotions. Awareness is simply just that. Being aware- of the things we think, the things we do, the emotions we feel. Once we free ourselves in this way, food becomes a secondary thought, and we no longer will find ourselves so often in the situation of regretting what we’ve eaten or how much we’ve eaten, or spending so much of our energy dwelling on what diet to try next..

Ask yourself… That internal dialogue running through your head all day long; what is that dialogue saying? Is it speaking kindly and lovingly of you; or is criticizing, judging, blaming, shaming, doubting you? Be the awareness behind those thoughts. It takes time. Believe me- I’ve been working on this for almost 10 years and still it’s a work in progress for me every single day. We’re never going to be these perfect human beings. We will always have things we are striving for and growth we’re wishing to achieve. It’s the process through this journey that really counts- not the destination.

So, once you’ve moved into this place of awareness behind your thoughts, the next step is then to make the conscious decision to choose more positive words. Say it until you mean it (and eventually you will!)

“I’m beautiful… I’m worthy… I’m patient… I love myself… I’m strong… I’m determined… I forgive myself.” (That last one is huge!)

With this positive dialogue in place guiding you toward self-love and self-forgiveness, you begin to experience a shift in consciousness to the present moment. Within this consciousness you move into a deeper mind-body awareness, connection, and intuition. You can then spend your days operating from this place of intuition versus that place of imprisonment stuck within your own mind.

Which probably looks something like this...

Poor monkey, stuck in his own head...

Still not sure what all of this has to do with the gluttony of Thanksgiving we were discussing before and the likelihood of further indulgence into the New Year?

Food as I mentioned before, is not only secondary nourishment (click here to learn more about Primary Food), but choosing food to eat and when, is an innate, biologically intuitive process. The body is so smart. It knows when it's hungry, when it's full, when it's thirsty, when it's tired, it knows when to breathe, and it knows how to send the right signals to the brain so we can interpret these messages into action. The more we are in touch with ourselves and our bodies from this intuitive place, through self-love rather than self-sabotage and judgement, the easier our lives become.

Let our beautiful, phenomenally crafted bodies do the work for us, so we can get out of our own heads and enjoy our food this holiday season! Life is meant to be enjoyed, not spent being so hard on ourselves, dwelling on the perfect diet, and shaming ourselves when we eat a cookie!

Like I said, the body knows how to heal itself. It knows how to process and digest food that we would otherwise consider “bad.” We just have to make sure we are providing it the right tools to do that. It’s a win-win situation. Say “I love you” to yourself and mean it, and go ahead and treat yourself to yummy cookies or a second helping of fried chicken. Don’t worry about it. Let it go!

You’ll find that moving forward, you’ll be worrying much less about what and how much you’re putting into your mouth, and you’ll just intuitively know what to eat and when. AND not feel bad about it after... Well you might get the runs, but at least you’ll be loving yourself up the whole way to the bathroom!

Share your story! What similar experiences or struggles have you had? What works for you? Is this idea of awareness, self-love, forgiveness, and acceptance new to you? I'd love to hear from you! Share in the Comments section below.

Stephanie Marino is a Certified Holistic Health & Wellness Coach, passionately guiding people toward optimal health and happiness. Having overcome struggles with body dysmorphic syndrome, emotional and compulsive eating, severe eczema, allergies, and asthma, she has learned the importance of unconditional self-love as the first step toward healing. She spent over ten years studying holistic nutrition, spiritual, and personal development; and has successfully worked through her auto-immune and eating disorders. She now works with men and women who struggle similarly, guiding them toward a happier and healthier life of food freedom, weight loss, increased energy, stress-management through self-care techniques, and enhanced inter-personal relationships.

She received her training from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in NYC, a Bachelors of Arts in Nutrition and Early Childhood Education from Brooklyn College in June 2012 and is certified by the American Association for Drugless Practitioners. Her unique approach to health counseling includes individual and group nutrition, health, and happiness coaching to adults; health and wellness workshops and seminars; and school nutrition for children K-12 and administration. She enjoys blogging, cooking, yoga, and outdoor exercise. Schedule your free initial consultation with me today